I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
My legs feel like baby dolphins
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize