"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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