It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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