i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
