He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
