I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
