I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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