I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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