just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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