fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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