I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
It's rum buckets o'clock
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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