You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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