My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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