mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
You're a waste of cheezeits
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
