i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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