i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
