We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
