Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
