What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
