Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
