Welp...herpes.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I just want to make out with him forever
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
