This girl is more easily done than said...
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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