so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
