I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
