Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Randomize
