Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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