I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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