wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Panties = found
Randomize
