I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
