singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
