I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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