You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
40s are totally the cure
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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