Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
