Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
