the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
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