areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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