come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
