bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
