I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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