I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize