you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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