This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize