u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
