I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
