yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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