I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
