Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
