i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
