so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
