Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
