Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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