Your face is a jimmy john
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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