bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
