when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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