after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
