I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
