Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
