she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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