We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
