I could make wine with my vomit
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize