we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
