I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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