Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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