Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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