where am i from again
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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