I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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