you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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