When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
