i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
