i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
