I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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