Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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