i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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