It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Just pee around me
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
