He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
